Birth Mother's Day - Adoption Support | Birth Mom Missions | causes.com
Birth Mother's Day - Adoption Support
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Before I became a birth mom I had no idea there was such a thing. Then when mother's day rolled around last year, just a month after placement day, it was nice to find there was such a holiday.
"So on Birthmother’s Day I find myself in the grocery store buying a dozen yellow roses for myself, just as I will do again this year. And I will write to me a card that says, “A good mother does what is best for her children ... you are a good mother.” And I will put them on the table and I will glance at them throughout the day. I may even have the courage to breathe in their sweet scent. Their presence in my house, and on my table, will be a reminder that sometimes being a good mother is something I have to do alone. Without thank you’s or giggles of joy, when there are no smiles of pride to confirm, when there are no handmade cards to open carefully, when there are no gifts to exclaim surprise over, when there are no party hats or balloons to throw out, when there is no cake to cover, when there are no laps or little arms to embrace ... when it is just simply a dozen yellow roses sitting atop my kitchen table seemingly whispering all day long; I remember the reason I am a good mother.
The difference between Birthmother’s Day with yellow roses on my table and Mother’s Day with my three children eager to please? Birthmothers Day is for me to validate that one incredible act of motherhood that not only gave life, but that truly taught me the real meaning of what being a mother is. And Mother’s Day is the ultimate reward that stems from those beautiful flowers sitting atop my table.” © by Courtney Frey
Birthmother’s Day is celebrated the Saturday before Mother’s Day. It originated in 1990 by a group of birthmothers in Seattle, Washington
The reason for this day, in my opinion, is not because mother's day is a sad day for us so we need another day in order to make us feel included. If that were the case, we might not make it long as a birth mom anyway, cause part of the sacrifice is in letting go of what we most desire for the good of our kid. Personally, I love mother's day just as much as birth mom's day. Mother's day for me, honors the woman I chose to trust with my life. This day is more of a way to remind people that the "other mother" isn't scary, she's real, and it's ok to mention her. If I could tell my daughter one thing on birth moms day it would be, "Look how extra special you are. You are loved so much, that they had to make an extra day to fit everyone who loves you in!"
I don't sugar coat adoption either. Adoption reform is on our agenda too! My first birth mother's day was pretty hard. It was just days after the adoption, so it was a lot of changes to take in at once. I just wish I had another birthmom or someone who understood what it felt like. So I hope we, at birth mom missions, can be that support for a woman who needs it now. I mean nothing happened on that day except for me doing a lot of thinking and crying. But the one thing I remember most is the feeling of being totally alone. The person I love most in life was suddenly gone (after 9 months of being connected), and since most people didn't know what to say, they stayed away that day for fear they might upset me. (btw, no no one's ever upset me if they are honestly trying to offer support. My child was conceived in rape & so most people avoid the subject. But it didnt change anything about my love for her. I loved her more because of it. So whatever situation, it's better to try and show you care than to not.
I hope that one day adoption is understood, explained, and represented how it should be. I want her to know, ALL her parents aren't perfect, but that when it came to her, we always tried to give her the very best. Maybe we were wrong, but we can do everything possible to love you today. Moms, take a moment to remember how lucky you are to have them. They grow up so fast. Please love them with everything you have inside and give one extra hug for us! Thanks, Birth Mom Missions
"So on Birthmother’s Day I find myself in the grocery store buying a dozen yellow roses for myself, just as I will do again this year. And I will write to me a card that says, “A good mother does what is best for her children ... you are a good mother.” And I will put them on the table and I will glance at them throughout the day. I may even have the courage to breathe in their sweet scent. Their presence in my house, and on my table, will be a reminder that sometimes being a good mother is something I have to do alone. Without thank you’s or giggles of joy, when there are no smiles of pride to confirm, when there are no handmade cards to open carefully, when there are no gifts to exclaim surprise over, when there are no party hats or balloons to throw out, when there is no cake to cover, when there are no laps or little arms to embrace ... when it is just simply a dozen yellow roses sitting atop my kitchen table seemingly whispering all day long; I remember the reason I am a good mother.
The difference between Birthmother’s Day with yellow roses on my table and Mother’s Day with my three children eager to please? Birthmothers Day is for me to validate that one incredible act of motherhood that not only gave life, but that truly taught me the real meaning of what being a mother is. And Mother’s Day is the ultimate reward that stems from those beautiful flowers sitting atop my table.” © by Courtney Frey
Birthmother’s Day is celebrated the Saturday before Mother’s Day. It originated in 1990 by a group of birthmothers in Seattle, Washington
The reason for this day, in my opinion, is not because mother's day is a sad day for us so we need another day in order to make us feel included. If that were the case, we might not make it long as a birth mom anyway, cause part of the sacrifice is in letting go of what we most desire for the good of our kid. Personally, I love mother's day just as much as birth mom's day. Mother's day for me, honors the woman I chose to trust with my life. This day is more of a way to remind people that the "other mother" isn't scary, she's real, and it's ok to mention her. If I could tell my daughter one thing on birth moms day it would be, "Look how extra special you are. You are loved so much, that they had to make an extra day to fit everyone who loves you in!"
I don't sugar coat adoption either. Adoption reform is on our agenda too! My first birth mother's day was pretty hard. It was just days after the adoption, so it was a lot of changes to take in at once. I just wish I had another birthmom or someone who understood what it felt like. So I hope we, at birth mom missions, can be that support for a woman who needs it now. I mean nothing happened on that day except for me doing a lot of thinking and crying. But the one thing I remember most is the feeling of being totally alone. The person I love most in life was suddenly gone (after 9 months of being connected), and since most people didn't know what to say, they stayed away that day for fear they might upset me. (btw, no no one's ever upset me if they are honestly trying to offer support. My child was conceived in rape & so most people avoid the subject. But it didnt change anything about my love for her. I loved her more because of it. So whatever situation, it's better to try and show you care than to not.
I hope that one day adoption is understood, explained, and represented how it should be. I want her to know, ALL her parents aren't perfect, but that when it came to her, we always tried to give her the very best. Maybe we were wrong, but we can do everything possible to love you today. Moms, take a moment to remember how lucky you are to have them. They grow up so fast. Please love them with everything you have inside and give one extra hug for us! Thanks, Birth Mom Missions
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